hells_half_acre: (Piraten-Tochter)

I haven't written in here for a month. I apologize. There will be more blogs coming, as I had the following conversation tonight:

Alix: If you hung around me more, you'd know that everything I say is a lie.
Other Person: But we read your blog.

So...are they confirming that I lie? Or are they suggesting that my blogs are honest? By their tone, it seemed the latter, which to me was rather ridiculous.

I do usually tag posts where I lie with the word "fiction"...in this blog anyway...so there is that about it. Though, I'm not sure people read tags.

Last year I had a cute picture of a dog for Christmas, but I do not have a cute picture this year. Instead I will point you to this A Softer World strip, which is quite hilarious.

Merry Christmas or Whatever You Celebrate!

May all your dreams come true, except for the ones where you are attacked by bees.

 

Buoyantcy

Nov. 23rd, 2008 12:37 am
hells_half_acre: (l'interpide)
I just got back from the Hawksley Workman (featuring Hey Rosetta!) concert, and MAN, it was AWESOME. I don't think I've ever seen anyone put on a show like Hawksley does, and he doesn't need fancy light shows or flames shooting out of the stage like some bands do...he just needs to stand up there and be Hawksley Workman.

It's mostly awesome rock show, with Hawksley doing little spontaneous comedy bit between songs. None of the "This is a song about an ex-girlfriend of mine, and how sometimes things just don't work out..." no, with Hawksley it's "So I came back from Australia and there were pidgeons living in my apartment. There was bird poop over everything...and I got a parking ticket, and there were other parking tickets from history, and I kept trying to say "try to understand, I've got a bunch of birds in my apartment, I don't have anywhere to live. I pay the rent, but the birds live there. They only let me in sometimes to brush my teeth. I pay the rent, but I can only brush my teeth on Wednesdays." And I guess what they were trying to tell me was that while I was sunning my ass in Australia, everyone in Toronto had to suffer through the winter...this song is called The City is a Drag."

I mean, who else do you know that can open a rock concert with a song about soup?! (It's an amazing love song - that made me very hungry).

Hey Rosetta did an awesome opening set. And I think if I didn't already love them, I would have been inspired to find out more about them...which is really I think the goal of an opening act. Then at the end of Hawksley's show, the audience demanded an encore, and both Hawksley Workman AND Hey Rosetta came out to do a mass performance of "Your Beauty Must Be Rubbing Off" It was awesome, because both Hawksley and Tim Baker have these amazing vocal chords...so it was great to see them do a song together, and you could tell they were having fun too.

Hawksley's band was awesome too. Of course there was Mr. Lonely, but he also had an drummer from Newfoundland and a violin player from Vancouver...and MAN, that violin player was CRAZY. The sounds he could get out of that thing were unbelievable. I can't even describe it, but Hawksley would give him these solos and then just stare at him in absolute wonder.

At one point in the show, Hawksley started complaining about his amp. "There's this sound amps make when they are about to die, well, anyway, what I'm saying is that after the show we'll make a canoe out of it. After the show, me and the boys like to get together and make something buoyant."

As Sonya and I walked to the car, we laughed again over that line, and Sonya said "After the show? I think they've already made something buoyant!"

And that pretty much summed up the night!

Fairyland

Nov. 13th, 2008 11:22 pm
hells_half_acre: (!!!!)

An excerpt from an email I sent Sherrie, which she quite enjoyed:

When I'm awake and out in the world before noon, I feel like I've slipped into some world that I've never been privy too. It's like those fantasy movies where the kid shrinks and joins the world of fairies. The fairies have always been there, the kid just wasn't a member of their society before. That's how I feel, like I'm viewing a world that is strange and populated with people I wouldn't ordinarily meet - except I'm not enthralled, I just want to say "Oh sorry, I seem to be in the wrong world...excuse me, could you point me in the direction of my bed? I've taken a wrong turn somewhere."

hells_half_acre: (!!!!)

Once again, at a loss as to what to write about (it's hard to have a blog when your life is boring), here is a funny conversation between Gabe and I from the past:

(I was asking Gabe, on behalf of my Susan, how to tell if eggs had gone bad. He told me and we discussed boiling a potentially bad egg...)

Gabe: well, it'll still boil, if a bit unappealing...I don't recommend eating it though, but that' my personal "ew, potential germs' self talking
Alix: Hahaha...I'll pass that along...
Gabe: but then...boiling water kills germs, right...?
Alix: Yes it does
Alix: But, I think you have to boil it for at least 5 minutes to kill all germans.
Alix: GERMS!

Gabe: HAHAHAH
Gabe: What ARE you thinking about?!?!?!

Alix: It was force of habit...I went to write germs and my fingers typed germans....even then, I wrote germans and had to fix it!
Gabe: :S
Gabe: well, I'm sure Germans would die after being boiled for 5 minutes, so you're not factually wrong....


hells_half_acre: (Clouds)
It's been a busy end to the summer. I went to Peterborough and camped at the Warsaw Caves with a couple of friends, then I went to Lennoxville and hung out with Max and Amy for a weekend. All was great fun.
One thing that happened amidst all that was Susan leaving for Vancouver. It was great fun having her around for the summer. It seemed to fly by and I really enjoyed her company around the house.

I write up funny conversations between Gabe and I (or between Gabe and himself) all the time, but he isn't the only hilarious person in my life. Susan is also absolutely hilarious, a good deal of the time she doesn't even intend to be. She has a naturally funny conversational delivery. Anyway, here are a couple of my favorite Susan moments from the past week:

*Alix and Susan are in the grocery store and decide to get some more shortcake cookies. They go to the cookie aisle and find that the shelves are in slight disarray and the shortcake cookies are not immediately noticeable*
Susan: What the heck happened here?
Alix: I don't know. Where are the shortcake cookies?
Susan: You know, this is what the apocalypse is going to be like.
Alix: It really is.

*Susan wants to go through the McDonald's drivethru, and buys Alix a bribe of a hot fudge sundae. They are sitting across the parking lot from the drivethru while Alix eats her sundae. From over twenty feet away they hear the McDonald's drivethru speaker box...*
Speakerbox: One moment please.
Susan: Wow, that's really loud. *mimics shouting out the window* I WOULD LIKE A LARGE....
*Mimics being the dude going through the drivethru* No! No! That's not what I want!!! STOP IT! DON'T LISTEN TO HER!
Alix: Hahahaha!
Susan: And then he starts crying.

*Susan is going through her closet looking for things she wants to bring back to Vancouver. When she finds something, she carries it out to her suitcase in the hall, passing by Alix's door, sometimes while talking to herself about what she found...*
Susan: ...a Coldplay poster for my studio...
Alix *actually takes notice of what she said that time*: Oh cool.
Susan *coming back to stand in front of Alix's door*: Yeah! And you want to know what else?! I have a dime stuck to my foot!"
Alix: Haha!
*Susan walks back into her room to get some clothes to pack, on her way back she stops in front of Alix's door again and lifts up her foot *
Susan: See!
*Sure enough, there is a dime stuck to the ball of her foot*
Alix: Nice
Susan: It's my lucky day!

hells_half_acre: (Default)
As you can tell, inspiration for this journal has not struck me recently. And so, it is time to reach into the vault (ie: my hard drive) and find some amusing things. For this week's addition: Conversations with Hilarious Friends!

Bruno: The Post-Modern Henchman

Alix says: I told him if he stayed I would get my henchman Bruno to crack his knee caps.
Alix says: Because no matter what Gabe says - as long as I believe in Bruno, he is real.
Sherrie says: WELL if Gabe had done his masters he would know that in such a world of relativity like ours, where there is no standard of truth or ability to measure reality, then Bruno is REAL because you say he is.
Alix says: Bruno: The Post-Modern Henchman
Sherrie says: and he is FUCKING scary
Alix says: If he doesn't intimidate you with his physical strength, he will bring you to tears by making you question everything you held to be true.
Sherrie says: and he won't have to hurt you because you will slice open your own veins from the sheer fleetingness of it all
Alix says: Exactly..thus making Bruno's "jobs" untraceable to me


Saner


Alix says: You are insane
Gabe says: and getting SANER
Alix says: Really?
Gabe says: Saner: CRAP!! He's after me!!!:-O
hells_half_acre: (Default)
Since I'm not that great at updating with interesting, well written thoughts or stories, how about I update with a silly not-so-well written story?

I was cleaning out my desk drawers last week and I came across a story I wrote when I was young. I'd guess that I was nine years old, seeing as how I didn't know how to read until then.

Reading it now, I can actually see that I haven't changed much over the years and, really, my adult behaviour should come as no surprise once anyone reads the story.


I guess the moral of the story is that you should enjoy life and not let anyone tell you differently. Some other lessons learned are: try to be polite, but if that doesn't work, then it's alright to use brute force; don't kill people; if you accidentally destroy something, help rebuild it; and, if there is no fruit available, horses are a viable source of nutrients. 
hells_half_acre: (escher)
I had a guy with midnight hair stretched out with his head resting on me. I sat bent over him, running my fingers through his hair as he chatted with another person in the room. The darkest hair I had ever seen, and woven through it in small lines was every colour of the rainbow, not in the dull colour of hair dye, but in bright brilliant colour. I ran my fingers through his hair and listened to his voice rumble against me. 'This is heaven' I thought, as I took in his beauty.

He informed me in disappointment that we would be late for the show, and he had to go ahead. I could travel with his friends. We jumped in the expensive car that did not actually belong to any one of us, as the dream previous had established, and left for the show. I joked with his friends. Outside the hall to the concert, we laughed as I ate a slice of apple one of his friends gave me. They went in to get seats and I said I would be right behind them. I looked down the corridor for something I could focus on.

There was the taste of apple on my tongue. There was a digital clock that told me the time was twenty past three. There was the dim light of the corridor. There was my right hand on my chest, where his head had been. I knew the alarm would sound any minute and ruin the dream. I had to shut it off without waking. I had to somehow move without gaining full consciousness. I kept my right hand where it was and focused on the digital clock, and moved my left out from under the blankets, which were not present in the hallway. I felt the edge of my desk beside me. I felt the clock-radio, and was relieved when I found the second switch from the right. I clicked it up. The hallway flicked. The digital clock at the end of the hall told me it was three ten. Time counted down here and that seemed normal to me.

I made my way into the concert hall, and found an empty seat in the middle. He would be the lead singer, I realized, and thought it amusing that I would conjure myself a cliche. But I didn't love him because he was the lead singer, or just because his hair was midnight black with all the colours woven through, and he had laid against me while I ran my fingers through his hair.

I still had the taste of apple on my tongue, the feel of his hair through my fingers, when the auditorium lights dimmed and stage lights came up, and the band was silhouetted on stage. The music started and it was some sort of heavy punk rock, the words unintelligible, yelled into the mic, I had a brief thought of 'I don't even particularly like this music,' but I wanted so desperately for the spotlight to come on, so I could see his face.

But the auditorium shattered around me, when to my left REM began to sing:

"But that was just a dream,
That was just a dream..."

I hit snooze in a burst of frustration, and tried to return to the concert, focus on the taste of apple on my tongue, the stage lights as I had last seen them...but it was useless. It was already three o'clock and I had been waking up every nine minutes since noon. It was only after I had gotten out of bed that I realized how appropriate it was that I should be woken with those exact lines from that exact band.
hells_half_acre: (Piraten-Tochter)

I found these messages waiting for me when I returned to my room after only a half hour away or so. The whole thing fits in so well with the theme of my previous post, that I figured I had to post it. Enjoy. (Please note that "should die" is often the way Gabe greets me.)

Gabe says:
SHOULD DIE
Gabe says:
hmm
Gabe says:
many possibilities
Gabe says:
1) Alix finally hates Gabe enough to ignore him
Gabe says:
2) Alix is engaged in some other activity at the moment
Gabe says:
3) Reggie learned how to sign on to MSN
Gabe says:
4) Alix met someone and is currently having a hot make-out session to the beat of all the MSN messages coming in as they ignore them
Gabe says:
5) The roof blew off in a storm but Alix was so distracted she didn't noticed and froze solid in front of her computer
Gabe says:
6) Someone else accidentally signed onto Alix's MSN and sneaking into what people say to her...shame on you
Gabe says:
7) Alix bought herself some hard liquor and passed out on her keyboard.......Whiskey maybe?
Gabe says:
8) Gabe actually died and is typing stuff in ghost form, not actually sending anything
Gabe says:
9) Alix got a job and is currently working, is allowed to have MSN turned on but forbidden to write replies
Gabe says:
10)  Gabe fell asleep at the wheel coming back from work and none of this is actually happening
Gabe says:
11) The connection between Gabe and Alix right now is intercepted by a time-vortex phenomenon and none of these messages are going to make it there in this lifetime (if these make it into biblical times, some religion is going to get really odd commandments)
Gabe says:
12) Alix is currently busy fighting off hordes of zombies trying to break into her now-fortified home
Gabe says:
13) Sherrie told Alix it was best to forget Gabe ever was a part of her life, and somehow finding this logical, decided Sherrie was right. Gabe just hasn't noticed he is being ignored yet.
Gabe says:
14) The Japanese did it again and Alix is still in mourning, at a loss for words
Gabe says:
15) Alix took a vow of silence which includes written words
Gabe says:
16)...............................Man, I am THAT bored..............
Gabe says:
going to sleep soon anyway, so, best of dreams tonight, talk to you (maybe) some other time
hells_half_acre: (Default)
I'm tired of this research paper, and having to do all these little nitpicky things to it. I mean honestly, I thought this degree was about knowledge not about how many commas appear in your footnotes. Anyway, to illustrate the ways in which my frustration is making itself known, Sherrie thought I should post the example I sent her of what a table of contents should look like:



Table of Contents

Introduction.......1
blah blah blah.....5
Something else...7
I hate this..........15
Go die................25
Conclusion.........27

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