Dread

[hells_half_acre]

So, I was going to do another rewatch tonight, but instead I spent the night getting pissed off at my contracting company and trying to decide what I'm going to do about the future.

Right now, I really want to quit this job at the end of March 2013 (when my current contract is finished.) The only problem with that is that last time I tried to get a different job, I was unsuccessful... and I can't afford to be unemployed again...especially not in Vancouver.

I've been offered a job in China, but I'm not going to take it for financial reasons and because I don't want to live in China. (You can't access LJ from there.) 

There's a possibility my oldest sister could get me a job in Toronto - which would mean moving back east.

I don't know. I can't decide where I want to be or what I want to do. 

I have tickets to VanCon2013 and the first draft of a novel that I hate more with each passing day.... for whatever those are worth.

Anyway...yeah, I'll resume rewatches tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood.

ETA: I meant to flock this, but then I forgot, and now I might as well just leave it.

Comments

[thursdaysisters.livejournal.com]

Could you telecommute the China job?

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

No, and even if I could, it doesn't pay enough. It pays well for China, but not if you have Canadian debt and are living in a Canadian city.

[thursdaysisters.livejournal.com]

So what's the problem with the novel?

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

I can't figure out how to fix the problem with the lack of climax and satisfying resolution. I can't figure out what I'm trying to SAY. Plus, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it's just unrealistic h/c fic.

[thursdaysisters.livejournal.com]

What, did you stage a more exciting resolution earlier in the story? I know THAT feeling :D

Now I'm curious, is the story online?

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

No, it's not. It's just on my computer, and on the harddrives of a few friends.

I don't really have an exciting resolution anywhere in the book...everyone just survives and goes home....it's dull. :P

[thursdaysisters.livejournal.com]

It can't be as dull as Proust, throw me a chapter, I'm stuck in a small town in Alabama on a contract job with nothing better to do. :D

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but if I throw you a chapter, I'll throw you one of the good ones. :P

[metallidean-grl.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel and I totally empathize. My last full-time job I hated it so much, it was painful. I was miserable, I hated going to work, I literally hated my days. I started looking for something else but just couldn't find anything. And then I was layed off, so that solved my desire to leave the company. Since then I had some temp jobs and now I work part-time somewhere that I enjoy, but I don't get enough hours, but it's all I have been able to find, especially with the economy the way that it is and the job market being so sucky.

Anyway, I don't know if you have gotten to that point of literally dreading going to work, but if you have, that is no way to live. To me, it is just not worth it to be so miserable at work that you have a sense of dread in your stomach every morning. And literally get sick every Sunday night. I hope you are able to figure out what you want/need/should do. You gotta do what is right for you.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I have dreaded going to work for nearly 3 years now - and it IS horrible. It's nearly impossible for me to wake up in the mornings, and as much as I say it's because I'm a night owl, I'm positive that it's all psychologically based on how much I hate my job.

Anyway...yeah, I have to figure something out. This is getting ridiculous.

[metallidean-grl.livejournal.com]

Alix, I'm sorry it has gotten this bad. That is so totally not a fun way to live. Work takes up more than 50% of our time in our lives and to hate and dread that much. That's no fun. I hope you figure out where the best place for you to be is. You deserve better.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm sure I'll figure something out one of these day - but, yeah, sooner rather than later would be nice.

[fourtenpm.livejournal.com]

I think u get lj in China, it's all the other sites such as YouTube, twitter, Facebook, etc that you have to be gymnastics to get access to.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

You couldn't get it last time I was there. But, yeah, regardless of internet access, I don't want to live in China. Though, I always enjoy visiting.

[franztastisch]

I can't decide where I want to be or what I want to do.

Welcome to my life. :/

So what is it that means you don't want to move back to Toronto? Or is this just a complete "I'm not sure" deal? And what is the Toronto job?

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

It's just a complete "I'm not sure" deal. I like my life here. I also miss the family and friends that I left back in Ontario/Quebec when I moved out here.

The Toronto job doesn't actually exist, so I don't know what it would be. I just know that my eldest sister really wants me to move back and she might be able to help find me a job if I decide to. She works in publishing... which is an area I wouldn't mind working in. Anything she found me wouldn't be that interesting though - I mean, I'd probably just be an admin assistant... but it would probably be better than what I'm currently doing.

[franztastisch]

Publishing is cool though. You could work your way up and publish ALL THE BOOKS. And you could make sure things like Twilight or 50 Shades never got published again. :P

But yeah, not knowing is a bitch. But you've got some time yet, right?

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Well, I mean, technically, I have my entire life. :P

But I have until March 2013 until my current contract comes to an end. So, yeah, 5 months? I could decide to just find another job in Vancouver. I DO have a ticket to VanCon 2013, which is in August.

[franztastisch]

"Technically" :P

Haha yeah VanCon is a pretty big incentive to stay in Vancouver. Cos I guess that moving away would either have to mean getting a well paid enough job to got back for VanCon, or losing all the money you paid for the VanCon ticket.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

Also, I really like my apartment here and the city is nice...and I like my friends. So, it's just a huge decision all 'round whether I move back east or not.

[franztastisch]

Totally understandable. Well, good luck with it. I hope you find some Vancouver alternatives to your current job. :)

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[dairygirl.livejournal.com]

It's always tough to be in a position where you just don't know which way to go. And I'm sorry your novel is being stubborn. Hopefully, a good night's sleep will help and maybe some time spent journaling may help? I'm pulling for you!

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I did have a lovely nights sleep. :)

[khek.livejournal.com]

(((Hugs)))

I wish I could help more than that. However, I hope that things get better, or that an obvious solution presents itself soon.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

((hugs))

[nanloo.livejournal.com]

Poor you. Here are somc chocolates and a big hug.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our little Supernatural bubble,that we forget about RL until it shows its ugly head.

Real sorry that your book has hit a snag.
China? Hmm, kind of like the food, on occasion it is ok, but as a regular diet, not too good.

Perk to the job in Toronto: get to see your sister and her family more. I don't know if that would be a good thing or not, but it is something to consider.

It is not as if you have to make a decision right now. So, take a deep breath and go do something that would make you happy. Go get some ice cream. :))

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)

I love the food in China. Though, ordering anything with chicken is annoying because they just throw the whole bird in there, so you end up picking your way around feet and beaks. Gross.

Being closer to some of my family members WOULD be a perk of moving to Toronto. Mind you, it would mean I was further away from the sister that I have here. So, maybe I can't win!

But true, I don't have to make this decision now. I just let myself fall into a pit of useless depression. I will watch more SPN tonight and go back to ignoring all my problems. :P

[nanloo.livejournal.com]

Feet and beaks. Yeck

So you get closer to one sister, but farther away from another, damn, maybe the sister near you now, wants to move to Toronto as well? Just a suggestion, LOL.

Take some ice cream with you into the pit of depression. You will feel better. :)

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Haha, yeah, I can't win. I've got two siblings on the west coast and two siblings in Ontario. And no one is moving anytime soon...except possibly me. I'm the only one whose footloose and fancy free.

I have taken chocolate with me into my pit of depression. It is good company.

[nanloo.livejournal.com]

Wow, ok.

Chocolate is just as good as ice cream.

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Firstly, hugs :)

Secondly, don't write off (ha, pun) your novel! I apologize for not getting back to you faster, but there are definitely good things in it and I want to give it the attention it deserves when I review it.

Third, the job situation is incredibly tough...but I've seen enough of you to know you think 'outside the box'...and I've lived enough to know that sometimes a person stumbles onto what they should be doing while looking for something else. Don't get trapped, even if money is a scary thing.

I still think Supernatural needs you as official documentor :)

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs back*

I haven't written off the novel yet...I'm just... a little frustrated, and we're all our own worst critics. I think it started strong but then got progressively weaker. I just need to figure out where and how it went wrong. I don't want to give up on it yet, because I love my characters and I want them to live outside my own brain.

Thanks for the support about my stupid job too. I think I just have to hold out and keep looking for something else over the next few months. It's just...daunting, and discouraging.

Haha, I'd love to be the official documentor on Supernatural. Lord knows they need one sometimes. ;)

[traveling-storm.livejournal.com]

I don't want to live in China. (You can't access LJ from there.)

Not that it makes a difference, but um, yes you can. I'm in Shanghai.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay, well... weird, when I was there in 2009, I couldn't. But I guess things change! It doesn't really matter anyway, my friend there works through proxies and can access anything he wants now. Same way I can watch stuff on the BBC even though I'm in Canada. Yay technology!

[traveling-storm.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. :) Everyone here has a proxy here too anyway, so the sitch is moot. ;) Good luck with your decision-making!