Everything sucks

[hells_half_acre]

I hate my job. I'm not qualified to do anything else. Eventually I'll lose the job I have, because I keep ditching it, because I hate it so much, and then I won't be able to get another job that pays as well, because I frikkin' studied history...and then I'll have to drive all the way back to Ontario and live with my Mum again.

I also can't afford to live even with my stupid fairly-good paying job that I hate.

I hate the world.

Comments

[claudiapriscus.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. I've got a kind of running joke with a friend that when we give up, we'll run away to Vancouver and become extras for some low budget syndicated show. Or join the peace corps. Either is good. In any case, wildly impractical and weird fantasies often do make me feel better.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess I have the advantage of already living in Vancouver :P

[claudiapriscus.livejournal.com]

see? You too could be a faceless extra in a late night cable show. Oh, the glamor and excitement!

I do know where you're coming from, though. I'm broke, and spent two months living at home before bouncing right back to the Reno area (bleh,bleh, bleh, bleh, the only thing that makes it liveable is that I live up in Tahoe, which is beautiful although it's still a cultural and intellectual wasteland). I've nearly pinned down a job, which is good, because hey, classicist, but they told me point blank they're looking to get some stability in the position, since the last three people left (for various reasons) after a year or so, so there's the feeling that by accepting it, I'd have to stay two years...and for all that it'd be oh so nice to have a real job for a change (i.e. money), I'd like nothing more to get out of here and go back to school. Except that school remains right out of reach, but still close enough to make me hope, you know? So I feel I must accept the job, and yet it feels like a prison sentence. And I just hate all my options.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Ah...classicist, you DO understand. :-P

I have a friend who took a job like the one you are talking about. Had to sign on for three years or something. I'm not sure if he's even been there for 1 year and all he talks about is leaving. It's a tough one. And yeah, I'd really prefer a not to feel like a prison sentence.

[claudiapriscus.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure staying won't be contractual but the bitch about working for nonprofits is that you feel really really really guilty in these kind of situations.

The real bitter pill for me is that I had an amazing opportunity I had to turn down this summer. And I can't really bring myself to regret the decision, as even when I'm just whining I can't see a way to have made it work...yet I end up resenting myself and the situations I now find myself in as if it had actually been something that couuld have happened.

The truth is we really shouldn't be beating ourselves up over the sucky situations. I keep falling into funks thinking that I must have screwed up big time somewhere along the line...but I'm now coming to think that that's only because it's easier to think that that truly accept that it's mostly a product of forces I can't control, like the global economy. I like to joke that I managed to make myself overeducated & unemployable, but truthfully, if the economy was better, it wouldn't be a problem. So I'm trying to think stoically; good fortune and bad fortune are completely out of our control, and the only thing we can do is do the best we can even in the face of lousy circumstances.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

I think that's a good attitude to take. It sure sounds like it beats the alternative of sitting around depressed, wondering how you screwed up your life so badly...which is what I've been doing lately, I suppose. But you're right...if the economy was better, people would want to hire me left right and centre just for being intelligent.

I wonder where one goes to get work as an extra? I could mill around the background of shows that I never watch in my free time, that might be fun.

[claudiapriscus.livejournal.com]

I've always thought it'd be fun to be an extra at some point. Not because standing around is a blast or anything, but I wouldn't mind seeing how stuff is made...or rather, how everything goes together. One thing that interests me about TV and movies is that they are both creative texts but also so so so collaborative . It's not all springing from one person's mind. There's a million influences and factors and work arounds. That there is a finished product at all that can be as cohesive as even average movies and shows are fairly astounds me.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's pretty amazing. I remember thinking that when I was listening to the commentary on the Supernatural DVDs...because you have the guys going on about how a lot of the look of the show is due to Serge - the lighting guy. But then they also credit Kim Manners for the general directorial look (even when he wasn't directing), meanwhile you have Kripke going on about how the writing is ALWAYS at least a little collaborative, even though particular writers are in charge of particular episodes...and yeah, truly amazing how it all comes together. It's a whole different art form than painting or writing or composing.

I'd love to try being an extra just to get a first-hand feel for the pace of filming as well. I've always been fascinated by the amount of time something takes. I think Jensen said in the commentary of In My Time of Dying, that it took 4 hours to get a particular 10 second shot.

[mizzykitty.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs*