Rewatch S1: Ep 18

[hells_half_acre]

Tonight I only watched one episode. Something Wicked is one of my favorites. Sadly, I don't think I'm as articulate about it as I would like to be. I've had a confusing day....but here you are!

Something Wicked

It's harder to count the days in this episode. It's at least three.

The prayer the little girl says at the beginning is a much nicer version of that prayer. The version I heard as a kid used to freak the hell out of me. Let's compare, so that you will understand why:
Little Girls' Prayer: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. May angels watch me through the night and keep me safe 'til morning light" - awww, how sweet.
Little Me: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." - HOLY CRAP! Not only is there a possibility that I might DIE while I sleep, but someone is going to TAKE MY SOUL?! I don't care if it's the Lord! No one is taking my soul! It's mine! I would like to still have it when I wake up after NOT DYING IN MY SLEEP. Seriously, don't people realize how freaky these concepts are to kids? Sam wishes he still had innocence, man, so do I. That prayer scarred me for life..no wonder I'm an atheist. (Alright, I know that had nothing to do with the show really, but I can't watch this episode without having horrifying flashbacks.)

I had forgotten they were sent on this hunt by John...more to say on this later.

Right after Dean says "Because I'm the oldest, and that means I'm always right" and Sam says, "It does not!" and Dean says, "yeah, it totally does" he gives Sam this look...this sideways look with a smirk that he's trying to hide...it's really lovely. Makes me happy.

Has anyone ever noticed how John leaves without saying goodbye to Sam. Sam's there plugged into his headphones, and maybe they already said goodbye before the cartoon started, but still...sort of telling that there's no exchange there.

The little kid is good at the Sam-puppy face.

I like how Dean remembers everything about the Shtriga, even though he pretends that he doesn't and it's no big deal. It was probably the first thing to come into their "home" since their Mum died...it was probably the first thing that ever got passed him to Sam...of course he's going to remember everything about it. What it is, how to kill it, exactly how much he failed that day...

Dean: "I promise you, this is not your fault." - I wonder how badly Dean wanted someone to say that to him after the Shtriga got to Sam...Dean was what? 9? Instead he gets the John-Winchester-Look-Of-Death-Due-To-Disappointment.

"Ogdenville, Northhaverbrook..." MONORAIL! Sorry...the Simpson's reference was just screaming at me.

Oh, the LOOK John gives Dean. I've already mentioned it, but DAMN.
John: "I told you not to leave this room. I told you not to let Sam out of your sight!"
...
Dean: "didn't say anything, but he looked at me different, which was worse."

Oh John...I know you were angry, but did you know what you did to Dean? Not only did you make him feel like a disappointment then, but by sending him on this hunt now, you are basically saying "You still have to make up for this. I still haven't forgiven you." I mean, yeah, you could look at it a different way, John getting Dean to do it so that Dean can finish the job...sort of lay the matter to rest, but I think the first meaning is still in there. This is still a matter of glaringly pointing out the time when Dean failed. When he had almost lost his brother, and when he DID lose his Dad's approval. Oh man, you can't give a 9 year old kid that look. John put way too much on Dean's shoulders as a kid, and I think sending him on this hunt only serves to reopen old wounds...wounds that completely messed Dean up psychologically to begin with.

I love how Dean says "For what it's worth, I wish you had that kind of innocence too," instead of wishing it for himself. I don't think Dean can remember a time when he was innocent to the things in the dark...I have a feeling his earliest memory is that night of the fire, maybe some vague things before that, but most likely his entire self-identity was made up AFTER that fire. I know I don't remember much of anything before the age of 6, so the fact that Dean remembers the fire at 4, probably means that's his earliest memory. But *SPOILER* we find out later that Sam was around 9 when he found out about the monsters, which means that Dean DOES remember when Sam didn't know...when his kid brother was just an innocent little kid. And Sam remembers being carefree, of a time when he didn't have to worry about this sort of stuff...he just had to worry about why his family was so weird, I guess. Anyway, it informs a lot of their characters, that difference. Dean's never had that kind of innocence in his memory, so he doesn't crave it, he doesn't know it at all...Sam did, so he leaves for school, he tries to be normal again...he tries to erase that information, because he misses not being afraid of monsters. That's what *I* think anyway, feel free to disagree.

It's a good episode. Jensen is stellar in it. From that sly look he gives Sam in the car, to the way he can bring Dean just to the edge of tears...I'm always impressed by his ability to convey the extremely subtle things that life people are made up of.

No DVD extras.
 

On a separate topic: It occurred to me that I've written one fic from John's point of view, one fic from Dean's, one from Jess', and one from Sam's! How unintentionally diverse of me! Sadly, I don't think I could get Bobby's voice down...plus, the next idea I'll probably write up is a Dean POV. Still, I'm impressed with myself.

 

 

Comments

[mizzykitty.livejournal.com]

Those kids are so awesome. I hadn't noticed that John didn't even say goodbye to Sam. But it seems as though Sam and him had had an argument already about him leaving again. Like Sam's now pouting or something. It is a little odd though. Sam's not wearing headphones - those are just hoodie strings. Maybe thundercats is just THAT awesome. lol!

Knowing Dean, he did not want someone to say it's not his fault. He believes it was his fault, and he believes whatever disappointment/anger he gets from John is well deserved. Even though he's able to realize that it is not THIS kid's fault, he can't see it that way for himself. Probably he thinks he was trained better, knew better, etc.

HAHA *hugs you for Simpsons reference* Did I mention you're awesome? =D

Yes, sending Dean on this hunt now, it's mean and I'm sure Dean had all sorts of feelings about it. But I bet John's motives were simple - thing needs killing, Dean knows how, send Dean. Knowing John, that's probably about the extent of his thought process on the subject! I'm pretty sure he rarely stops to examine the emotional impact his words and actions have on his kids. Once in awhile yes, like when he's dying, but I bet most of the time not. It's not that he's purposely insensitive; I think he's just obsessed and self-absorbed.

I think you're absolutely right about that. Dean's identity is wrapped up in being a hunter and protector. To be innocent, it means being like all the civvies out there, in other words, sitting ducks, powerless and blind to the evil all around them. Dean wouldn't want that because knowledge is power, it makes you strong so you can protect yourself and the ones you love. And you're right, Sam craves it because he probably remembers it as being the happiest time in his childhood (sad as that is).

It makes sense - they are probably character studies to help you get into their heads. my first fics in a fandom are usually that sort of thing, explorations of a character's past, or important events which shaped them. Which one is from John's pov again?

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Hoodie strings! That makes more sense...I was like "aren't white headphones an ipod thing? Those weren't around in the 80s..." Man, that Thundercats episode must rock. Or you're right, and Sam is sulking. Still, slightly odd.

And yeah, you are probably right about Dean, I didn't mean to say that he doesn't believe it's his fault. I know that he blames himself for everything regardless of whether it's his fault or not...and technically it WAS his fault (sorry Dean), I just think that a part of him wanted the forgiveness of the phrase, if that makes any sense.

You are also probably right about John's motives for sending Dean on the hunt. They are probably extremely simple and he isn't even considering how much it might be messing with Dean's emotions. Ah self-absorbed fathers.

The first one I did was from John's pov. It was called Listen to Your Father (then ironically, the second thing I wrote I wanted to also call Listen to Your Father, and wished I could rename the first)...anyway, I'm not sure I did a great job of it. I have trouble getting into John's head.

[mizzykitty.livejournal.com]

I bet Sam's sulking. He's so determinedly ignoring John and Dean, and John's talking about him like he's not even there.

Oh yeah, I remember that fic. It was a good theory on why John just up and disappeared one day. Made a lot of sense. Funny that the first thing you wrote was from John's pov considering you don't even like him that much! hehe.

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not that I don't LIKE him...I just have trouble getting into his head. Plus, I have father-issues of my own :-P

My John ended up being a bit more of a thinker and a bit more attuned to his sons' personalities and emotions than I think John Winchester actually is... it was a sympathetic take on him, I guess. Though, John is in the series so little, who knows what goes on in his head. Maybe I am too hard on the guy.

[mizzykitty.livejournal.com]

I think you're right, he's in it too little for anyone to make very many judgments about him. I think that's why he's kind of interesting, because you could really have so many different takes on him, and they could all be right! Just like with this specific instance. You could choose to believe that he sent Dean after the shtriga in an attempt to make him feel bad and remind him of the failure from so long ago, or you could choose to believe he just did it because it needed doing. Either way would fit just fine into canon. so I think that makes him a really cool character!

Sorry, I guess you're not the one who dislikes him. I've read a few comments by people out there, and know he's not that popular of a character. popular enough to have a couple of his own comms though, so yay!

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

I think he's a great enigmatic character because he is so open to interpretation. I find him fascinating from a Hunter-standpoint. In that he's got this legend around him (at least with his boys) that nothing ever escapes John Winchester, that he's some sort of super-hero (at least to Dean)...he's the professional, and he always knows exactly what he is doing. I think he's a cool character and Hunter.

My only problem with him, really, is that I think he's a bad father. Which is basically canon, so I'm not really taking any liberties there...I guess it's just a question of "to what DEGREE is he a bad father?" I do believe that given everything, he tried his best, but the man is human, with human flaws, and that means there is the possibility for all sorts of epic mistakes.

[mizzykitty.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the fact that he's a total bad ass doesn't escape my attention. ^O^

I kind of like that he's a bad father. I heart bad boys, assholes, antisocial jerks, etc. It's sort of my kink when it comes to characters. I like when they have flaws because it makes them more real, more human. And it gives me something to write about, lol!

[hells-half-acre.livejournal.com]

Haha, exactly. It's good creative fodder. So to sum up, I like John for being a badass, and I dislike him for being a bad father, but I LIKE him for being both those things and therefore really interesting. :P