(no subject)

[hells_half_acre]

I've been a lot of places in my life. The more places I go to, the more it feels like I've barely been anywhere. Different places have different ways of getting under your skin. They all give you different feelings. I become attached to places like I become attached to people. Sometimes I wonder how much geography affects personality.

I can't imagine my life without travel. I can't imagine ever stopping and saying "that's enough of that." I can't ever seem to get enough. Travel will always be like drinking water in a desert, something never to be taken for granted, and something I'll always want to do more of.

It doesn't take much in life to make me happy. I think there are some people on the outside looking in that think differently. They think I'm too picky, they think I'll never be satisfied, they believe that I feel I deserve better than others. It's not true though, in reality, I'm satisfied with very little. I don't spend much money. I don't really feel the need for matching furniture or fancy appliances. I don't really care what my salary is as long as I half enjoy what I'm doing, or at best can tolerate it until something new comes along.

Gabe and I are similar in that regard. We are also similar in the way that we always need to keep moving. It's not about being footloose and fancy-free, it's about going stir-crazy. It's about being addicted to feeling the sun on our face from every possible angle and altitude.

I think what makes the transition hard for me between student-life and "real-life" is the difference in what we are supposed to want. What happens to those of us who are happy with very little? To me, the "real world" is all geared towards owning things you don't need...not really, a bigger house than you require, some fancy car, furniture and dishes that match, a lawn filled with grass that isn't even native to the continent.

It's true, sometimes I get sick of the wandering life. Sometimes I wish I could use the word "home" in reference to only one place instead of several. There are some days where I think, 'yes, I will get a job and I will work 40 hours a week, and I will eventually buy myself a good couch, and I will be happy goddamnit it! I'll force myself to be happy!' Unfortunately, or fortunately, I know it doesn't work like that.

The truth is I'm a long way off from wanting the life I'm supposed to want. The life that society seems set up in order for me to achieve without asking questions about whether it's actually worth it all in the end.

I am happy with very very little. I also don't think there is a division between school and "real-life". It's all real-life. Wanting to continue to live simply is not about avoiding the "real world" it's about choosing how to live your life, and if that means rejecting social norms, then so be it...but it's not avoidance. It's not irresponsibility. It's about knowing yourself and what makes you happy.

I see a lot of my friends going through the same thing as I am, and part of me wonders if it's really a quarter-life crisis at all. Part of me thinks it's more of a shift in perception. It's about social structures lagging a bit behind a changing mind-set. Some of my friends do want the family and house, and that's cool too. It's all cool. Sometimes though, I see the world as being full of people like me, who would much rather have a backpack on their shoulder and a plane ticket in their hand than have a three car garage.

Because the truth is, normal freaks me out. Normal turns me off. If a guy tries to pick me up in a stereotypical way. If a guy wants to date me and bring me flowers and kiss me goodnight all awkward on my porch on the first date...well, I lose interest fast. I've come to expect something more. I've grown used to my twisted relationships, my unusual lifestyle, my blunt way of communicating.

Maybe one day I'll be normal, but I doubt it...and really, even if I end up living on next to nothing for the rest of my life. I have a feeling that as long as I'm free to live in my own underground society with my twisted relationships and my misplaced intelligence, I'll be happy. Happiness is about knowing who you are and what you want and living the life you've imagined. It's not my fault if the life I've imagined isn't considered normal.