hells_half_acre: (Sam Shirtless)
[personal profile] hells_half_acre
Yay for poor decisions! Episode downloaded, I have trouble falling asleep when I'm drunk anyway, so EPISODE IT IS - and yes, I know that it's not good to get this tipsy when you're drinking alone, but in fairness I have all of YOU people, figuratively, with me.

So, it's midnight, I am both tired and drunk - let's see if I can summarize and react to this episode... naturally, if you don't know the rules by now, there's no hope for you... (or you are new, HELLO!)

EPISODE....

So, this episode was written by BuckLeming, my least favourite writing pair, who NOTORIOUSLY ALWAYS KILL SOMEONE IN THEIR FUCKING FINALE-ADJACENT EPISODES BECAUSE THEY ARE THE WORST. BUT, the good news, spoiler alert - is that they kill Gabriel - so, being that it's Gabriel, we can believe that he's not dead. Yay! He is alive and well in the other world, or disguised as one of the people who DID make it through the rift (do body double's work through the rift? Who knows, the point is, Gabriel is alive and you can pry him from my cold dead hands.... especially since a whole bunch of people called him Gabe this episode, which is the name I most associate with my BFF4eva, so no one named Gabe is allowed to die ever. - fun fact, my BFF4eva prefers to go by Gab, but it is TOO LATE FOR ME MY FRIENDS. He can pry his anglicized nickname out of my cold dead hands.)

Where was I? Or yeah, I hadn't even started.

For a BuckLeming episode, this wasn't actually THAT bad, but then again, I am quite drunk. It was mostly a character episode, which helped. I kind of wish they had given the character episode to writers that were better with character, but again, they didn't actually do too bad a job to this drunken idiot, so I'm going to cut them a break. Also, this episode was jam packed with good actors, so they just elevated everything as per usual.

Now, let's actually start talking about the episode...

We pick up exactly where we left off. Yay! Yay? I don't know, I guess it makes sense for the timeline - speaking of which, unless they give me a date next episode, 90% of the S13 timeline is going to be "Unknown" - like, I can't even for sure say if they're past Christmas yet, that's how unknown the timeline is.

OH MY GOD START TALKING ABOUT THE EPISODE...

Sam comes to town and Lucifer is like "I DID THAT! I SAVED YOUR SURROGATE DADDY! I AM AWESOME" and no one is buying it, but Jack is in that weird frozen state that happens to all of us when we have one shitty parent that we JUST DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I wrote down the word "ruthless" here - and I think it's because Lucifer referred to himself as "ruthless" and then tried to say it was a good thing. I note down weird things, but there you have it.

Dean wants Jack to kill Lucifer - and Lucifer is like "he can't, he doesn't have enough power" but really, he's thinking "he can't, he doesn't want to - I'M IN!" So Dean yells louder, and Jack yells "STOP IT!" and BAMFS away. (Do people know BAMF? That's a common knowledge thing right? The sound Nightcrawler makes when he teleports? Or am I confusing it with Bad-As-MotherFucker... NOPE, looked it up, I'm right.)

Dean is like "OH NICE GOING! THAT'S WHAT HE DOES WHEN HE'S SCARED!" which is a)adorable, because that's such a parent thing to say, and b)Dean - YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WAS YELLING. I hate it when people raise their voices and I would bamf out of there so hard if I were Jack and Dean was yelling at me. I would reverse time just so that I could bamf out of there yesterday.

Gabriel runs off to find him, but then like...never does? What the heck, Gabe, you had ONE JOB - I would have liked to have seen Jack bonding more with Gabe, rather than Gabe being largely indifferent to him, or so it seemed.

Cas decides that if Lucifer is wants to play nice, then he'll agree to being cuffs - and what I love about this is that Cas walks up to Dean and takes the cuffs out of his backpack - and... I don't know if you quite understand the level of intimacy that action actually displays. Several things have to happen, a)Dean allows Cas to root around in his bag and stays perfectly still well he does so, without question, b)Castiel knows Dean will allow him to do this, and c)Cas knows EXACTLY where Dean packed the angel cuffs, because he doesn't actually search for them - he opens a specific pocket and pulls them out.

Lucifer tells them that they have 31 hours, give or take, before the rift closes. And they take him at his word - but we cut to the rift and we see that it's already pulsing.

Sam sets a timer, and then Dean finds him so they can converse. Sam apologizes for dying, because HE'S SAM, and Dean is like "Are you alive now?" "yeah" "Then you've got nothing to apologize for" and then he hugs the bejeesus out of him, and Sam is like NOOO, I NEEDED THAT BEJEESUS! .... sorry... I cracked myself up there... really, Sam hugs him back and does the closed-eye-savouring-affection things and it's heartfelt.

Dean brings down the mood with a "what are we going to do about Lucifer?" question, and Sam is like "I'll handle him." Okidoke, Sam, you face your worst fears.

Meanwhile, Jack is sulking by a tree, as you do, and thinking about his non-shitty parent who is sadly dead, because them's the breaks sometimes. Kelly insisted that Jack can be whatever he chooses to be - and then Jack thinks of Sam, and how awesome and empathetic and compassionate Sam is... and then he thinks of all the mistakes he himself has made, and how he's all CONFUSED, because he is (probably) still less than a year old, and his life has SUCKED.

Mary, meanwhile, punches Lucifer - and I was super confused because I didn't think they knew each other, because I COMPLETELY FORGOT HOW MARY ENDED UP THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Don't drink kids.

Mary then talks to the boys and tells them that she wants to stay and fight, that she can't just leave with them. Dean is all like MY BROTHER DIED TO SAVE YOU AND I JUST WANT MY MOM! But Sam is silently understanding, because he also can't abandon people in a burning building if there's a chance that he could save them. I love this exchange though, because Dean does the classic "tell her Sam" and Sam takes Mary's side, and Dean's like "SEE!" before he even registers that Sam wasn't on the same side as him (necessarily). BUT, Sam is also SUPER SMART SAMMY, because he finds a way to give EVERYBODY what they want - and I'm skipping ahead hear a little, but I don't even care - because tells Mary that what they should do is ALL come over to the Bunker so that they can plan somewhere SAFE. And this way, Dean gets his mom back, but Mary's not abandoning her newly found peeps.

I think Mary also suffers from "I need to have a purpose" syndrome - where if she's not actively hunting, she feels restless and pointless and depressed. I think she was probably only able to retire and shack up with John because she had a marriage and babies to focus on... with her babies gone and suddenly grown kids who don't REALLY need her, she's got a really weird case of empty nest syndrome... and also the knowledge that her kids are hunting, which isn't even the life she had sacrificed her hunting-self to build for them. 

On anothe sidenote, I DO think these Mary seasons are a little problematic with how they're contradictory to the Mary we see in the timetravel episodes in S4 and S5, who justs WANTS OUT. Maybe it's because by necessity she's around hunting, and she doesn't fit into the world anymore, that she dives so whole heartedly into - maybe it's a product of years in the sterilized memories of heaven, where she craves the gritty violent reality to remind herself that she's alive and this is real... who knows... I know in S12, it was largely about ridding the world of monsters in an effort to effectively FORCE retire the boys... but I think this season, it's about purpose and loyalty to a cause.

Also, I just realized that Mary and Ketch are both in this episode like they've already been reunited, but we didn't see that meeting, and now I feel robbed. That'd be AWKWARD AF, and I demand uh... some word I can't remember... SATISFACTION! (I remembered!)

Anyway, in the midst of that Winchester scene, we cut away to Lucifer, who is taking to Castiel - who is "not your sport"  - I love Cas. Jack shows up and is willing to listen to Lucifer, and Cas is like OH NO!!! But Jack is insistent. Lucifer immediately starts trying to spin and doing a bumbling doubletalk to keep Jack from the truth. Lucifer claims that God locked him up for telling the truth, and that he's just looking for redemption... and Cas is like OH NO!!! and leaves to get the boys in a small panic.

Lucifer, meanwhile, starts talking to Jack about the family - how his grandfather is God, etc. Cas is back, I guess? Because that's what my notes say, and Cas is like "WE'RE YOUR FAMILY! ME AND THE WINCHESTERS ARE YOUR FAMILY!" but Jack still wants to hear Lucifer out... and frankly I'm insulted. This is every adoptive parent's worst nightmare - where your kids biological dad is LITERALLY EVIL and they STILL seem like their choosing him over you because of stupid BIOLOGY. UGH.

Everyone starts walking to the rift? Nope, they're walking to a camp. Dean orders Sam to go back and monitor what Lucifer is saying to Jack, and A)DEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT ORDER YOUR BROTHER TO HANG OUT WITH HIS LITERAL WORST NIGHTMARE AND FORMER ABUSER!!! I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS. (Seriously though, this is how much we castrate our villains in these later seasons - they really learned nothing with how effective Death's introduction was, and his subsequent appearances) and B)I FORGET WHAT B WAS GOING TO BE BECAUSE I GOT DISTRACTED BY WRITING CRITICISM.  

Mary is SURPRISINGLY nonchalant about Jack having poison poured into his ear. Did we not learn anything from wormtail? No wait, that's the harry potter guy - who was it in Lord of the Rings? Wormtongue? Anyway... the point is, PSYCHOLOGICAL POISON IS HAPPENING. Shitty emotionally manipulative parents are THE WORST and I HATE LUCIFER SO MUCH I WANT HIM TO DIE.

I am getting way too capslocky, and I think my liver actually hurts. I'm switching to water.

I think Mary is calm because she thinks that Jack could kill Michael with Lucifer's help? I have "Jack wants to kill Michael with Lucifer" written down in my notes, but can't remember if it's something that Mary says or something Jack says, but it IS said, and that's the important bit. And that Mary is confident in Jack.

Gabriel is momentarily missing, but then runs back in with angels on his tail. Lucifer kills them all with a snap of his fingers, because apparently the cuffs don't work in this world - good to know.

They got to Singer Auto Salvage, which is in ...uh, wherever the heck they are? Kentucky or Cleveland or something. I just said it last week. Dean is put out that it's not in Sioux Falls, and AU!Bobby is like "why would anyone choose to freeze in the winter?" and 95% of Canadians question their life choices, before remembering that they have healthcare and are less likely to be gunned down at school, and then the winter suddenly doesn't seem so bad.

Bobby reports that Charlie and Ketch are out on a mission to save some people from execution. Charlie is leading the mission.

Bobby also thinks that the boys idea to take everyone to their own world is really dumb.

Lucifer keeps chatting to Jack while they walk around the car yard. (which is, in fact, a different location than Bobby's old place). They come across Gabe, and Lucifer tries to introduce him, but then has to interrupt whenever Gabe tries to tell any truth to Jack about Lucifer. Eventually, Gabriel does manage to chide Lucifer for playing the part of the victim when it's obviously just an excuse for everything horrible that he's done.

Meanwhile, Charlie and Ketch find out that their rescue op is actually A TRAP!

Sam and Dean talk to the leaders of the camp and outline the plan, asking them to think about it. Then a messenger comes in with news of Charlie and Ketch's capture.

We cut back to Charlie and Ketch being tortured for information - and the angels call in their torture/information-extraction-expert - who turns out to be AU!Castiel!!! 

And I do love these two scenes coming up laid out together, for what they have to say about my favourite Shakespearean philosophical discussion- "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so"

Because we get Sam and Dean interrogating the spy for the angels who set Charlie and Ketch up, and they also call in Castiel to extract the information they need. and Castiel and AU!Castiel work in the exact same way....as we find out....

But first, we get Lucifer and Gabe talking to each other. They've been told to stay behind and protect the base while everyone else mounts the rescue. 

Gabriel is confident that Jack won't like Lucifer. And I love the line "I've known you since the stars were made" - I think I'll just start using that for my oldest friends and see if anyone says anything.

Gabe insists that Lucifer lives only for power and to be worshiped. He recounts how humans were innocent and beautiful, and Lucifer couldn't stand that God loved them more than him, so he corrupted them - and Lucifer was a cancer that God had to cut out, but it was too late.

THEN, we get the scene with AU!Castiel, who has ANOTHER WEIRD ACCENT? That's sort of German/Russian, weird sort of Hogen's Heroes/James Bond villain? I don't even know. Did AU!Castiel pick up Jimmy Novak and then get assigned to eastern Europe? I'm confused. I mean, I'm AMUSED, but I'm also REALLY CONFUSED. 

I don't know where the choice was here - and maybe they just wanted to mark the difference - but like, do a nervous twitch or Barty Crouch's liplicking thing... the conversation later between Cas and Cas would have been WAY more powerful if they sounded exactly the same.

Anyway, before Castiel can mind-drain/kill Charlie, the lights go out and the rescue is mounted - and also a success! Yay! 

While people take care of the Charlie and Ketch, Castiel takes on Castiel. And I do love the simple dialogue here - "more than one of us, fascinating" "I'm used to it." and then after the next cut-away scene, Cas telling AU!Cas that he vastly prefers humans to angels, and then agreeing with AU!Cas's "we're the same" just before Cas effectively kills himself. Like, wow, Cas is a REALLY INTERESTING CHARACTER.

The cut-away scene in the middle of that scene was Sam rescuing Charlie and giving her a big hug, much to Charlie's confusion, because she doesn't even know him. And then Dean rescuing Ketch and Ketch having witty remarks. 

It's a win, yay! 

Everyone agrees to go to the other world - SUSPICIOUS, I say... but apparently I'm outvoted and/or ignored and/or wrong.

In order to get there on time, Dean has to repair a bus. Which they let Lucifer drive for no good reason, even though it all works out.

Jack momentarily acts like he's going to go off alone to continue the plan of killing Michael all by his lonesome. Sam runs after him and tries to talk him out of it, and then Lucifer runs out of him too and also tries to talk him out of it - pointing out that he's going to put everyone else in danger. Then Jack is like "my father makes a good point" and it's like a little FATHER WAR and it's THE WORST, because they were arguing the same point, but it's like Sam's a woman in a business meeting and his advice only counts if it's coming from Lucifer. UGH, THE WORST.

Anyway, they're running out of time, so Sam can't dwell on anything... and they're all off to see the wizard... or, the witch.

Rowena, meanwhile, has found a chant that seems to hold the door open, but she's been away for two days, I guess, so she's getting A LITTLE SLEEPY.

Still, she holds the door better than that Hodor guy (I'm assuming, I don't watch that show, and I don't actually want to know because I have negative interest.)

Dean and Sam start sending their loved ones through first - yay, but they hold Gabe and Lucifer back in case something happens, and it does! There is an attack, and Michael shows up. Lucifer tries to fight him Dragonball Z style (or, Hadoken style? I'm not actually that big on my animes unless it's the first half of Naruto.) Lucifer fails, and falls back coughing and bleeding from the mouth. Gabriel steps up to fight, telling Dean and Sam to run, that he'll buy them time, and that he's not running anymore (No, Gabe, you're still running - I take solace in the fact that that's pretty much what he said the last time too.) But, Sam and Dean don't actually TAKE ADVANTAGE of this time, instead they just watch Gabriel get stabbered and "die" - though Dean does yell "GABE NO!' which is a great contribution, I'm sure.

Sam pushes Dean to go through the door, which he does, but Sam hangs back - because when Lucifer tries to follow Dean, Sam grabs him buy his face and looks BEAUTIFUL as he says "How did you think this was going to end?" and pushes him away from the door - going through, and closing the rift behind him.

YAY SAM!  NEARLY MY DREAMS COME TRUE. (Don't worry, I know I'm ultimately going to be disappointed)

Everyone is in the bunker, yay!

Sam and Rowena flirt chat about how they owe her one for keeping the rift open, while Sam continues to look beautiful.

Dean and Sam are bummed about Gabriel, but not so bummed about Lucifer... BUT MEANWHILE, Jack IS looking QUITE BUMMMED. (And I'm laughing now, because I realize that bummed has a completely different meaning to a large portion of the English speaking world... I mean that they're SAD! Which I'm sure is understood by CONTEXT. STOP BEING IMMATURE.)

Bobby gives a speech about fallen comrades and he welcomes Sam and Dean to the rebel family. 

Back in the AU, Gabriel's corpse is still there, but THAT MEANS NOTHING... and Lucifer is making a deal with Michael. He'll help him open the rift, so that Lucifer can get his son back. And Michael says that he'll "get everything else" and Lucifer looks SOMEWHAT TORN ABOUT THIS DEAL.

And thus the episode ends.

Listen, if they give Lucifer a goddamn redemption arc, I'm going to be SO MAD. Also, I don't want Jack to turn evil, because he is a sweetypants. Also, Gabe's not actually dead. 

And the promo for next week really gives the game away about what's going to happen next, and I'm not too thrilled about that either... BUT WHATEVER. I'll just rewrite this season like I did the last one when I did my rewatch, I guess, that turned out to be fun!

So, positives - a few really good lines! Also, some old-school GORGEOUS lighting and shots that I forgot to mention. Dean in profile in the interrogation, Mary framed in the back of the bus, Jack half in shadow... good acting by people (even people that I hate, though I have absolutely no sympathy for their characters because I HATE THE CHARACTER SO MUCH OH MY GOD.) 

I am so tired, guys.

So, as usual, let me know your thoughts, balancing rule applies as far as you can stretch it. Tell me how beautiful Sam was and how amazing Dean's profile is.

I'll try to double-check my downloads next week earlier in the evening so that I don't end up going to bed at 2am again. This is going to HURT TOMORROW.


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