I have a lot of feelings about this episode. Some of them don't coincide with yours, others do.
I do think the way the writers handled young Sam and now Sam's reactions to Dean being lost on a hunt are just wrong for what we have seen about Sam. My head canon explanation is that original story was that John needed Dean on a hunt. Then once Dean was back, John explained why the hunt took so long by saying Dean had been lost, but John found him. Basically Sam finding out after the fact that "Dean had been lost on a hunt" does fit better with his actions and reactions. Plus John gets to show Sam that Dean made a big mistake that John rescued him from and not that John left them without food money, got Dean thrown in jail and did ZERO to rescue him.
I don't take what Dean says about that time at Sonny's at face value. Not because he's lying, but because I think he remembers things the way that fits into his image of John and his image of himself. For example, I think his comment about stealing for food because SAM would get hungry is another way to deflect from John's negligence and betrayal, while at the same time proving how good a son Dean is. The statement boils down to 2 parts. Dean wouldn't have gone to jail if he hadn't stolen food. Dean stole food because Sam would get hungry, Dean being a good son would have been able to live on air and John's approval. None of it was John's fault, only Sam's for having the audacity to need food. Dean would have gotten hungry too, but I think Dean can't bring himself to blame John for hurting Dean, so he phrases it so Sam is the reason things went bad.
I also think the final scene with Dean going back because he love Sam is a way for Dean to make himself feel like he gave up everything for Sam, without having to acknowledge that he really didn't have that much of a choice. John is a ruthless hunter and the family has been living off the grid for most of Dean's life. If Sonny filed for custody, John would have found a way to grab Dean, take off and not be found. Dean remembering that he sacrificed for Sammy means he doesn't have to examine the very scary fact that John controls their lives with an iron fist and that Dean is helpless in the face of John's obsession. Yes he loved Sam and wanted to be with him. He could have stayed with Sonny and had Sam if he had been willing to open up to Sonny and ask him to take Sam as well. Getting Sam away from John would have been easier than Dean, simply because Sam is younger, more vulnerable and had been abandoned by John for a couple of days before he was taken to Bobby's. Dean has built the image of himself as the one who sacrifices for his family, especially Sam and that the family, especially Sam, don't appreciate him enough. So Dean finds it easier to think that he gave up normal for Sam, than it is to face that he either could have had normal with Sam or that John would never have let him have normal.
One of the big things I hope gets addressed is Dean's skewed view that he does everything for Sam and family. He has at times acknowledged that what he does is selfish, as in season three after his deal, but in general he needs to believe he is doing it all for "the people he loves" be that tricking Sam into possession, or wiping Lisa and Ben's memories. Dean coming to terms with the fact that his actions are selfish and done to protect himself would be a big step to finally untangling the blame that he gives Sam and to finally start doing healthy things for himself.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-10-18 03:46 pm (UTC)I do think the way the writers handled young Sam and now Sam's reactions to Dean being lost on a hunt are just wrong for what we have seen about Sam. My head canon explanation is that original story was that John needed Dean on a hunt. Then once Dean was back, John explained why the hunt took so long by saying Dean had been lost, but John found him. Basically Sam finding out after the fact that "Dean had been lost on a hunt" does fit better with his actions and reactions. Plus John gets to show Sam that Dean made a big mistake that John rescued him from and not that John left them without food money, got Dean thrown in jail and did ZERO to rescue him.
I don't take what Dean says about that time at Sonny's at face value. Not because he's lying, but because I think he remembers things the way that fits into his image of John and his image of himself. For example, I think his comment about stealing for food because SAM would get hungry is another way to deflect from John's negligence and betrayal, while at the same time proving how good a son Dean is. The statement boils down to 2 parts. Dean wouldn't have gone to jail if he hadn't stolen food. Dean stole food because Sam would get hungry, Dean being a good son would have been able to live on air and John's approval. None of it was John's fault, only Sam's for having the audacity to need food. Dean would have gotten hungry too, but I think Dean can't bring himself to blame John for hurting Dean, so he phrases it so Sam is the reason things went bad.
I also think the final scene with Dean going back because he love Sam is a way for Dean to make himself feel like he gave up everything for Sam, without having to acknowledge that he really didn't have that much of a choice. John is a ruthless hunter and the family has been living off the grid for most of Dean's life. If Sonny filed for custody, John would have found a way to grab Dean, take off and not be found. Dean remembering that he sacrificed for Sammy means he doesn't have to examine the very scary fact that John controls their lives with an iron fist and that Dean is helpless in the face of John's obsession. Yes he loved Sam and wanted to be with him. He could have stayed with Sonny and had Sam if he had been willing to open up to Sonny and ask him to take Sam as well. Getting Sam away from John would have been easier than Dean, simply because Sam is younger, more vulnerable and had been abandoned by John for a couple of days before he was taken to Bobby's. Dean has built the image of himself as the one who sacrifices for his family, especially Sam and that the family, especially Sam, don't appreciate him enough. So Dean finds it easier to think that he gave up normal for Sam, than it is to face that he either could have had normal with Sam or that John would never have let him have normal.
One of the big things I hope gets addressed is Dean's skewed view that he does everything for Sam and family. He has at times acknowledged that what he does is selfish, as in season three after his deal, but in general he needs to believe he is doing it all for "the people he loves" be that tricking Sam into possession, or wiping Lisa and Ben's memories. Dean coming to terms with the fact that his actions are selfish and done to protect himself would be a big step to finally untangling the blame that he gives Sam and to finally start doing healthy things for himself.