First off, she is not ONLY powerful by being sexual. She is powerful by being SMART and she just so happens to be sexual.

THIS. THIS SO HARD. Sexuality is not the end-all and be-all of a person's identity!

I was debating with an RL friend the other day because I actually don't find the connection between Irene and Sherlock romantic, whereas she thinks that it is. I agree with what [livejournal.com profile] missyjack said about Irene and Sherlock being drawn to one another because they are basically mirrors of themselves.

They are each other's equals intellectually, and for Sherlock, who always feels like he's surrounded by idiots 24/7, Irene is probably like a breath of fresh air after years of muddling about in the muck. My friends and I call this feeling having a crush on someone else's brain, because all the signs and symptoms of infatuation are there, only you're not attracted to the other person sexually or even romantically, just intellectually.
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