I haven't had a story where derogatory language would have been appropriate, but I think I'd probably be the same way. Most of the time I find myself writing from the POV of the character who'd be hurt by such words so I can write it in order to show the reaction to it, but I'd struggle with it if I couldn't show the internal reaction. Tbh, I have trouble using even made up slurs like mudblood, which gets annoying when writing internal Death Eater politics. *sigh*

I know exactly what you mean about getting used to writing all male scenes and having to be OCD about your pronouns. Though for me it's something I have to pay close attention to, so when I actually have a man and a woman talking it's horribly liberating and exciting. I get carried away and use nothing but pronouns for the whole scene because I CAN. lol

"All right" bothers me endlessly. I use "alright" in dialogue if the character's relaxed and informal. If they're uptight and I can't justify it I use "okay" or something else instead, to avoid "all right." So that choice becomes part of the style bible for each character because I'm hyperconscious of it every time.