hells_half_acre: (Don't Litter)
[personal profile] hells_half_acre
Title: Damned Demented Demons 23/32
Author: ME!
Fandoms: Supernatural/Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13 (for swearing)
Warnings: Spoilers for all Harry Potter books, Spoilers up to 4x17 for Supernatural (but takes place around 4x11).
Disclaimer: Sam and Dean belong to Kripke, Harry Potter belongs to Rowling.
A/N: I thought that the Battle of Hogwarts took place in Spring 1997...so that's what I based my timeline on. Since then I've seen that most sources have it in 1998. Ah well. In this story it's 1997. The events of the story take place sometime in early 2009.
A/N to chapter 23: I think this is the most updating I've done in such a short amount of time. I'm away for the weekend though, so next update probably won't as quick.

Summary: In which Ron plays with guns and Hermione uses big words

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22

Apparently, Ron being less angry meant that he had more questions to ask. It was as though he hadn't even noticed the car on the way to the diner, being too focused on his anger at Harry. Now though, Dean was being bombarded by the stupidest of questions.

"It's the same size on the inside as it is on the outside!" Ron had said when they got into the car. Dean wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so he just shifted into reverse and backed out of the parking lot.

"What does that knob do? Is that the wireless?" Ron asked from the backseat, a long arm coming between Dean and Sam to point to the dials on the radio.

"The what?" Dean said. "That's the volume for the tape deck"

"Tape deck? What's that?" Ron had followed up, at which point Harry groaned.

"It's the wireless, Ron," Harry said in a tone that also said, 'now please shut-up.'

"I drove a car once!" Ron told the car at large. "It was a flying car. Remember the Ford, Harry?"

"How could I forget?" Harry replied. "You drove us into a tree."

"Only because it ran out of petrol," Ron said as though driving a car dry was a perfectly normal thing to do. Dean was already thinking that the guy was far too close to his Impala even in the backseat.

"You ran out of petrol while we were flying, Ron," Harry said, "it's no wonder the car took off without us."

Dean tightened his grip on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white, as he couldn't help but picture Harry and Ron plummeting out of the sky in an old Ford, the ground hurtling toward them...

"Dean," Sam said softly beside him, and Dean focused on the road just in time to pull into the motel parking lot.

Harry and Ron were still talking in the back, Harry once again trying to convince Ron to just return to England.

"I don't like this, Sam," Dean said softly. "Now we're going to have two more civilians to look out for."

Harry and Ron were opening their doors and getting out of the backseat, both slamming the doors a little too hard as their argument about the degree of danger Harry was in escalated.

"Ron's an Auror, like Harry," Sam said. "We know that Harry can handle himself in a fight, and Ron has had the same training and fought in the same war. Hermoine Granger-Weasley also fought in the war. They aren't civilians."

"They also aren't Hunters," Dean replied, and then got out of the car. Harry and Ron had already gotten the motel room door open. How they had done it without having the keys, Dean didn't care to ask.

"Whose looking after your kids?!" Harry was asking Ron.

"Hermione's parents," Ron replied. "We've got it all sorted, Harry. You aren't getting rid of us."

"But you don't both have to be here!" Harry said. "What if something happens to you! You're kids will grow up without their parents, we already have enough orphans in this family!"

"Oh, so you admit that it's dangerous here!" Ron exclaimed, completely ignoring the rest of Harry's complaint.

"Yes, but I don't need your help!" Harry replied.

"That's enough!" Dean said, and both Ron and Harry fell silent. Ron looked nervously at Dean and Sam, while Harry looked somewhat relieved that someone had put an end to the conversation.

"We're dealing with demons, which means that Sam and I are in charge," Dean continued. "You and your wife can help with the research, but when it comes to a fight...if it comes to a fight...and we tell you to sit on the goddamn sidelines, you will sit on the goddamn sidelines. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," Ron replied. Dean smiled as Ron's eyes widened at the realization of what he had just said.

"Yes, sir," Harry echoed, but this time it wasn't a reflexive response. Harry was actually just deferring authority to him. For some reason that actually made Dean uncomfortable, but he tried to hide it. Harry was trying to show Ron that Dean and Sam really were the authority, and really, Dean should be thankful for that.

"Do you want to continue to follow your team, Harry?" Sam asked. "Because I'm thinking it might be better to stay in one place until we figure out exactly what's going on."

"Right," Harry answered, "let me check in with them, and I'll let you know. Most likely they'll be fine without me. Besides the uh..'attack'...on you two, the Dementors have been relatively docile. Mind if I use the bathroom to make the call to Deacon and Phil?"

"Knock yourself out," Dean said with a wave of his hand.

Once Harry had disappeared into the bathroom, Dean realized that Ron was standing around as if he didn't know what to do with himself now that Harry wasn't in the room. Actually, now that Dean thought about it, Ron had mostly ignored him and Sam since he had arrived.

"Might as well sit down," Dean said. Ron looked at the two unmade beds uncertainly, and then sat down at the very end of Sam's extra long bed.

"So, you've known Harry since school, right?" Sam asked, in his 'I'm harmless and friendly' tone of voice.

"Yeah, since we were eleven," Ron answered. "He's my best mate."

Dean nodded absentmindedly, picking up the duffle of weapons and upending it on his bed. He needed to take inventory. If they were only dealing with demons, then all these guns would be useless and all he would really need was the knife, but it never hurt to double check his supply of silver and iron bullets, just in case.

"Um..." Ron said, "so...I thought...well...the stories..."

Dean looked up at Ron curiously.

"It's just..." Ron continued, "shouldn't you be trying to kill us?"

Dean raised an eyebrow at that and glanced at Sam, who looked concerned rather than confused.

"Should we be?" Dean asked slowly. Ron paled slightly.

"No!" he said, "It's just that the stories..."

"What stories?" Sam asked.

"Oh, um, well, there's Hector Henderson and the Horrible Hunters and then there's Maddy and the Mad Muggles...you know, bedtime stories," Ron replied, as if that answered everything.

"You have bedtime stories about Hunters?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," Ron said, "and they're always trying to kill wizards."

"So," Sam said slowly, "hunters are the wizard-version of the Big Bad Wolf?"

"The what?" Ron asked, "like werewolves?"

"Nevermind," Dean said. "Listen, Harry explained everything to us. We aren't going to kill you, because as far as we can tell, you guys aren't evil - you're just a bunch of freaks. So, as long as you don't go around killing people, we're good. Understand?"

"Dean..." Sam said, as Ron nodded vigorously.

"Are those guns?" Ron asked, interrupting whatever Sam was about to get on Dean's case about.

"Yes," Dean said slowly, wondering if maybe Ron was blind.

"I know about guns!" Ron said. "Hermione showed me some Muggle movies. I've never seen one in person before though. Can I touch them?"

Dean picked up his spare handgun, double checked that it wasn't loaded, even though he knew full well it wasn't, and then handed it to Ron...who promptly looked down the barrel and pulled the trigger.

Dean looked over at Sam in complete disbelief, only to find Sam looking much the same.

"Can you shoot ghosts?" Ron asked, clicking on an off the safety as though he didn't know what it did. "Because, I mean, you can walk right through them, and they can walk through walls...so what's a bullet going to hit?" Then Ron's eyes lit up a little, "Do you have bullets?! Can I see those too?!"

"No!" Dean said, wide-eyed. "There is no way in hell I'm giving you a gun and a bullet."

Ron looked confused and then slightly disappointed.

"And no," Sam answered, "you can't shoot ghosts with bullets. You can hit them with salt though, or iron - so we make special bullets for them."

"How long have you guys been Hunters?" Ron asked, mesmerized by the fact that he found the empty bullet chamber.

"All our lives," Dean answered. Ron nodded absentmindedly.

"I take it wizards don't have guns," Sam said, slowly, "or even know anything about them."

"No," Ron said, putting the safety on and pulling the trigger, then taking the safety off and pulling the trigger. "My Dad wanted to take one apart once, but my Mum wouldn't let him. My Dad likes taking Muggle things apart and putting them back together."

"Mm-hm, your Mom is a smart lady," Dean said. "How 'bout I take that gun back now."

Just then Harry exited the bathroom. Dean watched as Ron turned on his heel to enthusiastically show Harry the gun.

"Fucking hell!" Harry said as he immediately dropped to the ground. Ron looked confused, but Dean and Sam were laughing.

"Nice reflexes, Harry," Dean said, "but what do you take us for? There is no way we'd have given him a loaded gun."

Harry picked himself up off the floor and scowled at them. Ron rolled his eyes and handed the gun back to Dean - muzzle first.

"What were you saying about them not being civilians, Sam?" Dean said lowly to his brother.

"Yeah, well, guns are useless against demons anyway, unless it's The Colt," Sam responded.

"The Dementors are in Philadelphia," Harry said. "They're probably making a few people miserable, but they aren't outright attacking. My team has it covered. I told them I'd be investigating more leads today."

"Ok," Dean said, "We need to figure out exactly where and when they need you. We're in the defensive position, and it'd be good to know when the attacks will be the strongest."

"We should take him to Bobby's," Sam said, "put him in the panic room."

Dean shook his head, "I don't want to bring that kind of trouble to Bobby's doorstep if I don't have to. Besides, they'd find a way to draw him out, I think. Kill his friends...like they did with Dad."

Sam nodded, but didn't look happy about the decision. Harry and Ron looked vaguely horrified, but not surprised. Dean knew from what Harry had told him in the memory-bowl that Harry had been tricked similarly before.

They decided to wait until this Hermione girl arrived, before they got into giving Ron the crash course in demonology. There was no sense repeating themselves. So Harry and Ron started talking about politics back home, most of which either sounded as boring as regular-human politics, or sounded far too ridiculous to be real.

Dean and Sam took an inventory of the books they already had, and started compiling a list of other sources that they could try to get Phil to track down for them. Sam got on the laptop to see if there were any online sources, but Dean was sure they had exhausted those days ago, and it was always annoying to wade through all the deluded websites before you found the useful ones.

While they worked, Dean took stock of Harry's friend. Unlike Phil, he seemed to have warmed up to them fairly fast. Well, maybe 'warmed up' was the wrong term, but he seemed to trust them for the simple reason that Harry trusted them. Dean still caught him shooting them wary glances every once in a while, though. The guy laughed loud and smiled often, told jokes about people at the office or politicians that even Dean found himself chuckling at.

Dean had never had a friend like that, just Sammy, but he figured Sammy counted. Actually, with Harry being an orphan, and Ron being his brother-in-law, Dean figured that Ron probably counted as a brother, and yeah...that explained why he was so pissed off when they met him that morning. Dean would kill Sam if he ever went overseas and got into trouble and didn't call him for help. Actually, Dean would just kill Sam if he ever went overseas, because that would mean he would have to get on a plane in order to save his stupid ass.

Just as Sam and Dean had compiled their wishlist of books, there was a knock on the door. Harry got up from where he was lounging on Sam's bed talking to Ron, but Dean motioned him back down. Sam eased a hand towards the Knife, while Dean put a hand on the grip of his handgun at his hip. He looked through the peephole first. Interesting.

He nodded to Sam, and then opened the door wide enough to lean up against the jam casually, blocking the room from sight with his body. He gave their visitor a long look up and down, with a flirtatious grin on his face.

"May I help you?" Dean asked. He was rewarded with a faint blush.

"Well," She said briskly, "Ginny certainly wasn't lying about you."

Dean smiled, "All good things I hope."

Another smile and a blush, though Dean could tell she was trying desperately not to show it.

"My name is Hermione," she said. "I was told that Harry was traveling with you. My husband should be here as well."

"Dean," he replied, opening the door, so that she could enter, "that's my brother Sam." He pointed to where Sam stood trying to casually drop the knife back on the table.

"Oh my," Hermione said, then seemed to catch herself, "Nice to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger."

"Weasley" Ron said sharply.

"Hermione Granger-Weasley" Hermione corrected.

"I read about you in the books," Sam said. "It's a pleasure."

"All mine," Hermione replied politely. "I must say, I've never actually met any Hunters before, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the categorization of relative-evils and how they might relate to a more studied application of threat-reduction and elimination."

Dean was pretty sure he didn't want to understand the last part of that sentence, but by the look in Sam's eyes, he was going to have to remind him that this woman was married.

"Ok," Dean said, drawing out the two syllables. "How about we bring Hermione up to speed."

"Right," Ron said, then took a deep breath, "Honey, it's the apocalypse."

"It's the what?!"

The next hour or more was spent filling Hermione in on everything Harry had told Ron that morning over breakfast - how Harry had met Sam and Dean; how he had decided not to follow the standard protocol when it came to Hunters, because they needed his protection; and how Harry had developed the spell to give the them permanent semi-unsupported Patronuses.

At this point, Hermione had given Harry a very stern lecture on practicing experimental magic. Dean gave Sam a quick glance to confirm that he was on the same page as Dean - they were not going to get Harry in more trouble by telling Hermione how much the spell had drained him. Not only did Dean remember how pale Harry had been, he also remembered Draco making them swear not to tell anyone about whatever he had done to save Harry. So when Hermione narrowed her eyes at them, both Sam and Dean just shrugged innocently and said they had no idea it was dangerous, because Harry had made it look so easy.

Of course, Dean knew that Harry wasn't telling them everything. He had put it together that at some point in Boston, Harry had found out Sam's secret. He figured Sam had lied to him about using the Latin on Phil. It wasn't just that Sam wasn't that great of a liar, it was also because ever since then Harry's curiosity over Sam wasn't as sharp as it had been before...and if anything, what happened in the chamber with Sam's Patronus should have piqued Harry's interest, not satisfied it.

Dean guessed he should feel relieved, since Harry's behaviour towards Sam hadn't changed at all, and so far he hadn't shared the information with his friends, nor backtracked on his word that he wouldn't report them to his government.

"And that's why you should go home, Hermione," Harry was saying, as Dean focused his attention back on the conversation. "The Winchesters and I have everything under control. I appreciate you guys wanting to help, but really, we'll be fine. There's nothing to worry about."

"What on earth are your talking about Harry?" Hermione replied bewildered, "You've just told me that there are hordes of demons out there wanting to sacrifice you, in order to unleash Lucifer, and you want me to go home?!"

"Please?" Harry tried.

"Harry..." Hermione said, in a patient tone, and Dean suddenly realized that she sounded a lot like Sam. "I thought we broke you of this habit during the War...why do you really want us to go home?"

"Because Ginny is going to KILL ME!" Harry exclaimed, standing up and pacing. "I promised her that I wouldn't leave her at home again to run off with you two to save the world!"

"So you think saving it alone is a loop-hole in that promise?" Hermione said with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey," Sam said, "Harry isn't alone."

"Exactly!" Harry said, "so go home!"

"No," Ron said. "You aren't doing this alone!"

"Yes, I am!"

"No, you aren't," Dean said, and felt four sets of eyes swivel towards him. "Harry isn't saving the world at all." Dean clarified, "He's going to sit in a circle of salt for a few days, then, once he's not useful to them any more the demons are going to leave him alone. He's going to go back to England and return to his wife and family, and that will be the end of it."

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Sam spoke. "Dean's right. We've got this covered. You guys don't need to worry about anything."

"We'll help keep him safe then," Hermione said softly. "It's the least we can do."

"You know what the most you can do is?" Harry said. "You can go home so that Ginny doesn't divorce me."

"Ginny's not going to divorce you, Harry," Hermione said, in a tone of voice that clearly indicated that Harry was delusional. "Besides, I talked to her before I left. She's fine with staying behind on one condition."

Dean raised an eyebrow, curious. Harry stilled and grimaced in anticipation.

"Which is?" Harry prompted when Hermione fell silent.

"You must invite Dean and Sam for a visit. She'd very much like to meet Dean in person, since they got on so well over the mirror," Hermione smiled a very wicked smile, that made Dean smile back in kind.

"I'd be delighted," Dean said in a low tone, and both Harry and Sam groaned in unison, while Ron's eyes widened and his face turned red.

"Oh honestly, Ronald," Hermione said, "calm down"

"She's my little sister!" Ron exclaimed. Harry groaned again.

"Fine," Harry said, "just...Dean and Sam are in charge, so do as they say."

Both Hermione and Ron looked surprised at this, they shot each other a look, but then nodded their agreement. Dean thought back to what he had read about Harry, and realized that the guy probably never willingly made himself subordinate to anyone. Except maybe that Dumble-dude, who Harry had named an army after.

"Alright," Hermione said, turning to Sam and Dean, "what's our first order of business then?"

"Right," Dean said, "uh, we have to figure out exactly what they need Harry for, so first thing to do is research."

"Where are the books?" Hermione asked, opening up a small change purse and pulling out a long feathered pen and roll of - was that parchment? Dean thought Harry's shoulder bag was weird, at least the opening was the right size to fit the stuff he had in there. When Hermione pulled things out of her change purse, Dean could see them warp back into their original shape at the lip.

"We've got some of them," Sam said, pointing to a stack that he and Dean had piled on the small table, "and we've made a list of others that we were hoping you guys might be able to find at your library. We also need to call our friend, Bobby. He'll have more."

"Right," Hermione said, "Ron and I will just get started on these then."

"Aww, come on, love...you know I hate research," Ron whined.

"Well, if you aren't going to be useful, maybe you'd like to go home," Hermione said. Ron grumbled, but stalked over to the table obediently. Dean would have laughed at how whipped the guy was, but he was starting to think that he wouldn't fair much better if he were married to the woman.

Dean pulled out his cellphone and called Bobby, who picked up on the third ring.

"Bobby? It's Dean." Dean greeted.

"What''ve you gotten yourselves into now?" Bobby asked gruffly.

"Uh, possible seal, actually," Dean answered. "Sam and I are trying to prevent it from breaking, but we could use a bit more information."

"The angels aren't talking?" Bobby asked, and Dean could hear him shifting books around.

"Quiet so far," Dean answered. "We were wondering if you could lend us a hand on the research."

"How far away are you?" Bobby asked. "Can you come pick up the books yourself?"

"Outside Washington, and it might not be safe for us to move that far, so no," Dean answered, we were hoping we could do this over the phone."

"I've got a Black Dog a state over that's been picking off children," Bobby said sadly. "I was just heading out the door."

"Can't you call someone else in?" Dean asked, shooting a worried glance towards Sam.

"You know my back-up was Jim Murphy, Dean," Bobby said. "These days it's hard to trust just anyone to get the job done."

"Shit, yeah, ok," Dean said. Harry and his friends were staring at Dean now too. Dean sighed, Bobby could loan them the books, but it what did that matter if there was no way of getting them from South Dakota to Washington. It wasn't like Dean had a teleporter.

"Uh...Bobby?" Dean said, interrupting Bobby's third apology.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to send someone to get the books, ok," Dean said. "Could you just pick out the ones you think we'll need."

"Sure, but Dean?" Bobby said, in confusion, "Who are you sending? And how long is it going to take them to get here? I have to go and these aren't the kind of books you just leave on the porch."

 "I'm sending a pretty girl," Dean said, smiling at Hermione. "You'll love her. She'll be there in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" Bobby asked, "Dean, please don't tell me you're sending that demon to my house."

"No, Bobby," Dean said, "you can even test her. So, be nice." Dean could already hear Bobby getting out the shot glass. "Thanks, Bobby."

Dean hung up the phone and smiled at Hermione. Ron looked a little concerned and kept shooting nervous glances between Dean and Hermione, and then beseeching glances at Harry, but Harry just raised his hands in surrender. Dean grabbed the road map, and spread it out in front of Hermione on the table.

"How much information do you need to teleport somewhere?" Dean asked.

"Tele-what?" Ron asked.

"Looking at a map will be sufficient," Hermione answered, ignoring Ron's question, "and a general description of my arrival point would help."

"Ok, good," Dean answered, pointing out Sioux Falls on the map, "Our friend Bobby lives on this country road here," Dean indicated a grayed line. "He runs a business called Singer Auto Salvage, if you teleport to the end of his drive, you'll see a metal sign made out of old car parts that says that. It'll be a dirt road. His property is lined with old broken cars - some are in stacks. The house has seen better days."

"Ok, and what's this about a test?" Hermione asked. "What's the topic?"

"Whether or not you're a demon," Sam answered with a laugh. "You don't need to study for it."

"How..." Hermione started to ask, as Dean rummaged through his duffle and pulled out another amulet.

"First, wear this so he can see it," Dean said, handing her the amulet. "That will probably be enough, but he might still offer you a glass of water. Drink it."

Hermione nodded.

"Um, I'm going to give you my duffle for the books," Dean said. "We'll explain to Bobby about good-witches later, but for now it might be good to keep that a secret."

"And when I arrive without a car?" Hermione asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Hopefully he won't notice," Dean said, "but if he does, just tell him that we'll explain everything after he gets the Black Dog, because children should be a priority. Use those words exactly."

Dean emptied his duffle completely and gave it Hermione. She took one more look at the map, kissed Ron on the cheek, smiled at Harry, and then turned and disappeared.

Next: Interlude

Bonus: Deleted Scene

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